Ladies night is not something I do often. With work and other responsibilities, my opportunities to dress up and go out are limited.
So a work friend and I took the chance during the Christmas break, to do a ladies night. Which turned out to be just us, plus her mom. But all good.
We made a pact to both at least wear high heels, just to at least feel girly; and decided that the new restaurant, Beefcakes, is where we would grace with our presence.
Beefcakes is an extremely gay restaurant, with young, muscled waiters who bring you your food while they flex their bare-chested muscles. Perfect for a girls night.
We needed something fun though, it would have seemed slightly awkward if we just sat, sipping cocktails and eyed out the waiters. Luckily, Tuesday nights are Bitchy Bingo at Beefcakes nights. OK, so we head out for a game of bingo and drinks.
When last did any of you play Bingo? Because at 23, I have never played. Ever. Same went for my companions. In fact, between the three of us, our knowledge of Bingo extended to all those movie scenes where you see a bunch of old ladies and then one shouts BINGO… Doesn’t seem so hard…
Arriving at the location, the parking lot is full, and we haven’t booked a table for Bingo, so we were kinda worried that we had gotten all dressed up for nothiiiing. We sent my friend in to try get a table, while we tried to find a parking. She replies after a few minutes with “I found parking!”
And then corrects it to “Oops, I found a table.” We hadn’t even had a drink yet and we were getting confused. Once we had parked the car, we joined her inside and discovered why she had been so confused, when we met our waiter, Thomas; who had already introduced himself do my very smiling friend.
Looking at their cocktail menu, all the cocktails had extremely appropriate names: Sex in the city cosmopolitan, 9 inches Long Island Tea, and such.
We ordered our drinks, and Thomas tried to get us to order shooters… We just laughed at Thomas, how dumb did he think we were?
After about 15 mins of taking in the decor, staff and other interesting customers around us, our host for the night, Molly, introduced herself to us with a song. After her song, she brought a muscled helper, whom she affectionately called her “ball-boy” to help her get the game of Bingo started.
She then proceeds to explain the game to all the dummies, like us, who haven’t a clue how to play. You can have BINGO across the page, or you can have it diagonally… We listened, we heard, we believed that we now knew how to play. Well, it is apparently a bit trickier than that, see when one of us got BINGO with a series of numbers scattered across the blocks, the rest all cheered her on and agreed that she had Bingo… BUT when she went up to Molly to show her… Welllllll, you know when you’re all over eager at school to impress the new teacher and you put your hand up to answer a question, all proud of yourself, and then the whole class starts laughing because your answer is faaaaaar away from correct? Yeah, we had that, except this was a loud, drunk class and they had a spotlight!
So Molly comes to our table, her spotlight in tow, and calmly explains to us that we are dumber than old grannies… Afterwards, we laugh it off and continue the game. We managed not to draw anymore attention to ourselves, also not to get Bingo at all between us. But Molly kept us entertained with jokes throughout.
Before the game had started, Thomas had again tried to convince us to have shooters, and we had again shot him down, but he did manage to convince us to make a deal with him; if the number 3 came up in the game, we would buy a shooter. This was completely agreed upon by my friend, and the rest of us were innocent parties in this scandalous bet.
Of course, the number 3 was called out ( twice actually, but Thomas was unaware of the first one) and we honoured our side by ordering 3 blowjobs. It tasted surprisingly good, with caramel, and something chocolatey in it. And of course, one shooter allllways leads to another. (clever Thomas)
So we have another shooter while Molly belts out an ABBA song, and gay couples everywhere start dancing. So, of course, we dance too! Except not as well as the guys…
Once Molly is off the stage, its apparently time for the waiters to steal the show.. topless. We decide that before we have more shooters and the party REALLY gets going… We should go.
So we did, after getting Molly to pose for a photo first. And watching Molly leave…. as a man…. who looked nothing like Molly at all really.